


Washing The Pain Away

by Fricksgirl_32



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: Angst, Depression, Divorce, M/M, Nightmares, Ocean, Regret, Slash, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 09:56:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17262131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fricksgirl_32/pseuds/Fricksgirl_32
Summary: Brian just wanted it all to end and not fight the pain anymore.





	Washing The Pain Away

**Author's Note:**

> Happy New Year all! Lets start it out with a depressing fic! lol. I hope you all have a successful year of writing!

The waves crashed against the California shoreline as blue eyes watched, regret and pain running through his entire body. So much had happened in just a year, causing the older man so much grief but happiness at the same time, or so he thought. Brian was so deep in thought, he didn't feel the pair of arms wrapped around him. 

"Baby.." AJ said softly. 

Brian jumped slightly, looking up at his lover, sadness in his eyes. AJ's face fell seeing the light in his love's blue eyes gone. He knew Brian was still guilt ridden over what had happened so they could be together, but the sneaking around and lies had gotten to be to much for the two men. 

"I'm sorry." Brian apologized softly. 

AJ tightened his grip on the older man, sighing softly. Brian had withdrawn a lot since the divorces and the younger man didn't know what to do. He knew Brian was still blaming himself for everything. 

"You've got nothing to be sorry for my love, just please don't keep shutting me out." AJ pleaded. 

Brian sighed softly looking down, tears falling from his eyes. AJ wiped the tears away and pulled his head back up. 

"How can you still love me after everything that's happened?" Brian sobbed. "I ruined both our marriages and I took you from your girls, hell my own boy wants nothing to do with me now." 

AJ sighed softly. "You didn't take me from the girls, Rochelle and I had been growing apart and they still love you just as much if not more then they ever have." 

The tears continued to fall as the waves crashed behind them, Brian couldn't help but listen to calling of the sound, beckoning the older man to the water, silently promising to wash and take his pain all away. The only thing keeping Brian in the house was the man standing in front of him, those brown eyes begging for Brian to let him in and love him once again. 

"I miss him so much." Brian hiccuped, burying his face into his love's chest, gripping the other man for dear life. 

"I know you do." AJ held him close his own tears finally escaping. 

Baylee had all but shut his Father and Uncle both out of his life, hurt and betrayed by both men. He couldn't believe his Dad could walk away from him and his Mom after so long, after everything he and Leighanne had been through. Baylee also blamed AJ for taking his Father away from them, refusing to listen to anything else. Leighanne had met someone new and already moved on, staying focused on helping her son heal and getting his solo album finished. 

Brian pulled away from his love, wiping his tears away and sighing softly. "I don't know what to do, I'm so lost." 

AJ's heart broke knowing he couldn't help Brian as long as the other man continued to keep his walls up. AJ leaned over and kissed him lovingly, trying to tell Brian how much he loved him and that he was here for him, Brian's body began to relax as he responded, wrapping his arms around him. 

The two pulled away and smiled at each other, they had wanted to be together for so long but kept their feelings buried. It had finally gotten to the point where neither of them could keep lying to themselves or each other. Once Leighanne found them together, hell broke loose and divorce papers were sent. Brian just wished his situation had turned out as good as AJ's had, but was thankful his young lover and Rochelle had been able to keep a friendship alive and the girls still loved their Uncle Brian. 

"Hey, you have me, the fellas, your cousins, nieces, and nephews." AJ encouraged. "Baylee will come around, he's just hurt." 

"I know and I never meant to hurt either of them." Brian sighed. 

"I know you didn't, but we were both hurting by not being with each other." 

Brian nodded softly, laying his head against AJ's chest. AJ pulled the other man into the house and to their bedroom, laying the man down and kissing down his neck lovingly.

"Let me love you baby, please." AJ rasped. 

Brian whimpered feeling himself becoming hard for the first time in months, nodding softly. It had been so long since Brian had felt like being intimate with his lover, the guilt only drowning him more in the thought of not taking care and satisfying AJ. 

AJ took his time, loving ever inch of the older man's body as if it was their first time together all over again. AJ slowly took their clothes off, kissing each part of Brian's skin that was exposed. Brian whimpered and whined, loving the feel of the younger man's lips and tongue on his body. 

AJ made love to the love of his life through out the night, trying to show Brian all the love he had for him. They finally collapsed in each others arms, falling asleep. 

Brian tossed and turned as the nightmares and guilt raced into his head until he couldn't stand it anymore, sitting up as a cold sweat had formed onto his face and naked body. He looked down seeing the man sleeping peacefully next to him as the tears once again began to fall. He ran his hand through AJ's hair, biting his lower lip as his mind slipped back to the beach where the waves were still calling to him, reminding him the promise it had made to him in his ears. 

With tears in his eyes, Brian leaned down, kissing his love gently before getting up. He pulled on some clothes before writing his love a letter of apology for everything he had ruined and he would forever love AJ but couldn't keep going on with the guilt that pounded into his mind. He also left letters to each of the other Boys and his family, making sure to have them next to one another so AJ would find them. 

Brian made his way down to the beach, the ocean pulling Brian in as the song of the waves ebbed and flowed in Brian's ears like a siren to a sailor, luring him closer. Brian's bare feet meeting the warmness of the night water, closing his eyes, enjoying the last few minutes of life he had left. 

Brian looked up into the night sky for the last time before walking into the tide, not stopping as the water continued to rise up his body.

"I love you AJ." Brian whispered into the night sky before moving and not stopping until the water was over his head, taking him under. The waves keeping its promise and washing away all the pain.


End file.
